


But If It Had To Perish Twice

by exandriantrashpanda (topothesia)



Series: Fire and Ice [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series) RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 16:05:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15732804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/topothesia/pseuds/exandriantrashpanda
Summary: A sequel to "Hold With Those Who Favor Fire," set in the AU of what we in the shame pit are calling "what if a/b/o, but WITH FEELINGS?" and picking up the morning after that story ends.“Oh Matt,” Sam says after Matt has poured out his tale of woe. “I’m trying to think of a gentle way to say this.” He pauses for a minute, and finally just says, “You really fucked up, buddy.”





	But If It Had To Perish Twice

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how I took a/b/o and went from a set of tropes and conventions that's all about hot primal sex into "everyone has all the feelings and it takes 6000 words to get them back into bed" but here we are. #sorrynotsorry #noregerts
> 
> Thank you to all of my fellow shame pit denizens for encouraging me to write this. You're wonderful and terrible.

Matt wakes up early Friday afternoon feeling like he has the worst hangover of his entire life: sore, dehydrated, and completely out of sorts. Taliesin’s scrawled a note and left it by his phone saying that he’s gone out to get coffee since Matt is out of that too and under no circumstances is Matt to leave the house without checking with him first.

Matt grabs his phone and begins scrolling through all of the notifications that he missed, starting with the voicemail from the pharmacy.

“We’re just calling to let you know that the medication you requested is out of stock for the foreseeable future. We called your doctor’s office and they’ve substituted Suppressix instead and sent us a new prescription. You can come pick it up at your earliest convenience. Thanks!”

_Shit_ , Matt thinks, Every time I switch medications, it always takes at least a week before they kick in. Not to mention side effects… He sighs and puts it on the pile of “shit to deal with later” and keeps scrolling.

At least five messages from Marisha, starting with “Are you okay? Did you get home okay?” but quickly escalating over the hours to “If you don’t get back to me soon, I’m coming over there.” _Double shit_ , Matt thinks, and quickly responds to her last text with “Got home fine but am super sick. Have just been sleeping all day. Talk to you later?” and hopes that’s enough to keep her from coming by for now. He’s pretty sure Taliesin’s still angry with him, and he can’t imagine what it would be like if he had to deal with the two of them at once.

Matt sighs and keeps scrolling. A text from a studio responding to his request to reschedule a session and offering him a choice of times next week -- he’ll have to look at his calendar first. A text from Laura, asking him if he’s sure he’s okay. A text from Liam, asking him if he’s okay and also if he can borrow one of his minis for a session he’s DMing with his kids next weekend. A text from his mother, asking if he’s planning to come over for dinner next week, maybe Marisha would like to come too?

Matt puts the phone face down back on the nightstand and buries his face back in the pillow. The real world does not seem like a good idea at all.

“I also got muffins,” Taliesin says, bursting in on Matt’s attempt to sleep away his problems like a genie in a pantomime, “Since you also have next to no food in your house. Honestly, Matthew, sometimes I despair. I really do.”

Matt lifts his head only so that he can glare at Taliesin more effectively.

“The angry teenager act doesn’t work on me,” Taliesin says. “I was one already and, furthermore, I’m your goddamn alpha. Sit up and drink your coffee and eat something until you feel more like a human being.”

Matt sighs and complies.

“Better now?” Taliesin asks after they finish their breakfast.

Matt sighs again. “I guess. I have a lot of stuff to get done. Can you drive me back to the studio so I can pick up my car?”

“Will you be all right?” Taliesin asks.

“I’m sure I’ll be fine for a while. And I got a call from the pharmacy telling me I can go pick up my new medication today, so I’ll do that first,” Matt says.

“New medication?” Taliesin asks.

“There’s a shortage of the old one. You know how it is sometimes,” Matt says. “When it happens my doctor just writes one for something different but close enough instead of making me go in for an office visit. It’s faster that way.”

“How long will it take to transition to the new one?” Taliesin asks.

“About a week or so before it’s fully effective,” Matt says.

“Do you want me to stay over until you’re sure it’s working?” Taliesin asks. “Or you can come to my place. Whatever’s easier.”

“I can’t just put my life on hold for this,” Matt says. “I’ll be okay.”

“Because you were clearly so okay yesterday,” Taliesin says pointedly.

Matt says, “Look, I have like a thousand balls that I dropped from yesterday alone that I have to pick up and start juggling again, and I don’t need you to babysit me for every second of this. What if I just...check in with you every so often before Thursday night? Would that work?”

“You haven’t told Marisha yet, have you,” Taliesin says flatly.

Matt blinks, wondering how the conversation got from there to here. “Not...yet…” he says slowly.

Now it’s Taliesin’s turn to sigh. “Fine. Text me at least once a day, call me if things become...urgent...and I’m driving you to the pharmacy before we go get your car.” He gets up from the bed. “I’ll be in the living room until you get ready.” He walks away.

_Triple shit,_ Matt thinks, getting up and walking over to the dresser, trying to find a shirt that will cover all of the bruises on his shoulders and neck and not cause him to immediately expire from heatstroke the second he steps outside. _Why couldn’t I live in a climate more conducive to heavy winter scarves?_ he thinks as he heads for the shower.

***

Matt had always been one of those people who joked about the long lists of side effects printed on the drug packages and clearly but quickly enunciated by voice actors like himself and his friends on TV and radio ads, but now he feels like even those lists of warnings don’t come close to portraying what it’s actually like to experience some of them.

His favorite friendly pharmacist, Brooke, sporting her usual shaved head and a new shirt that says “let’s cuddle” on top of a picture of a cuttlefish under her white lab coat, had even told him during the mandatory pre-pickup counseling that “a lot of patients report that the first week on Supressix can be a little...difficult...sometimes. Are you sure you don’t want me to call your doctor’s office and ask her for something else? It’s no trouble, really.”

“I was on Lullion before this, but I guess there’s a shortage?” Matt had asked.

Brooke had nodded and grimaced. “Damn manufacturers. I think there was a fire in one of their plants this time. We’re really trying to get it back in stock, but I can’t make any promises. Well, anyways, if you want the Suppressix, that’s fine, but you need to be vigilant about taking it at the same time every day, and you may still experience some breakthrough symptoms or especially vigorous side effects for at least the first five to seven days. If they continue after that, you’ll really need to talk to your doctor.”

Matt had just nodded and taken the package of medication, because really, what choice did he have? If the last few days have proven nothing, at least they’ve shown him that he’s better off with it than without it. And Taliesin was waiting for him and he had eight hundred other things to do, so he reminded himself to set an alarm on his phone and to read the helpful fact sheet later.

When he barely makes it into the bathroom in time to vomit for the third time in an hour on Saturday morning, though, Matt finally digs out the fact sheet from the recycling bin once he can walk back into the kitchen. _Nausea is the most commonly reported side effect, followed by emotional lability_ , he reads.

_Quadruple shit,_ Matt thinks as another round of nausea hits him, followed by the urge to burst into tears. He attempts to ignore both of them and heads back into the bathroom to brush his teeth, because Marisha’s coming by in an hour so that they can get coffee and hit the flea market and he really feels like he needs to make the last few days up to her.

“You okay?” Marisha asks for what’s probably the fourth time in forty five minutes.

Matt has to fight not to grit his teeth and force down another wave of nausea. “I’ll be fine,” he says, and wonders how many times and to how many people he’s said that, and how many times it’s been a complete and utter lie.

“Why don’t we skip the flea market?” Marisha says. “We can go back to my place and watch a movie or something.” She smiles at Matt, and she’s so beautiful that Matt just wants to cry.

“Seriously, are you okay?” Marisha asks. “Are you...crying?” She leans towards Matt, looking very concerned.

_Quintuple shit_ , Matt thinks, scrambling for a reason, any reason. “My head hurts,” he finally says weakly. “I guess I wasn’t as recovered from that bug I caught on Thursday as I thought I was.”

“Aw, babe,” Marisha says. “Let me take you home.”

“I’d rather continue our date,” Matt says. “I know we don’t get a lot of time together since we’re both so flipping busy, and I miss you.”

Marisha looks at him in a way that’s disturbingly reminiscent of how Taliesin looks at him at certain times. “We can continue our date,” she says, “But I’m taking you home. The last thing I want is for you to pass out in the middle of the flea market and have our date finish in the emergency room instead.”

Matt gives in easily for once. He ends up falling asleep on the sofa with his head pillowed on Marisha’s lap halfway into _Ghost in the Shell_ , and when he wakes up she’s got to leave to go to a bachelorette party for a friend.

“I can cancel,” she offers. “I’d rather order soup and watch more anime with you than traipse around bars wearing dick joke t-shirts and fending off assholes all night.”

“Nah, I’m just gonna fall asleep again anyways,” Matt says. “You should go have fun.”

Marisha looks at him searchingly. “Are you sure you’re okay? You know I worry about you, right? Because I love you?”

“I love you too,” Matt says, and goddammit, he’s tearing up again, and he feels a faint flush of heat flow down his face.

Marisha seems to mistake the flush for fever and places a cool hand on his forehead. “Jesus, babe, you’re burning up. Maybe I should cancel.”

“No, I don’t want you to get sick too,” Matt says. “I’ll take some Tylenol and go back to bed, okay? I’ll text you when I wake up. Promise.”

“Okay, but seriously, if I don’t hear from you tonight, I’m coming over tomorrow and I’m not taking no for an answer,” Marisha says, kissing him gently on the forehead and getting up.

Matt flushes even more, a flush that seems to travel deeper down his body and hint at a greater need lurking within, and swallows hard. _Sextuple shit_ , he thinks.

As soon as Marisha’s gone, he digs out the side effects sheet and does a Web search for the meaning of emotional lability and he soon discovers that he’s been experiencing it all day without knowing it. _Shit to infinity_ , he thinks, wondering if the rest of this week can only get worse.

***

By Thursday, Matt is not exactly better, but he’s at least not worse. He hasn’t thrown up in a whole day, he can have entire superficial conversations with people without feeling like he’s suddenly going to tear up at the slightest provocation, and he isn’t waking up in the middle of the night convinced that he’s going to die on the spot if Taliesin doesn’t immediately come over and fuck him senseless. He almost called Taliesin one night, but opted to get himself off twice and take a cold shower instead. He knows that if Taliesin ever finds out about it, well, he can’t imagine it will be pretty, but he’s convinced himself that it’s better this way. He just wants to be normal -- well, okay, his particular version of normal -- again.

Most of the bruises, bite marks, and scratches from their last encounter have almost healed, and he’d rather not get any fresh ones that he’d have to explain to Marisha the next time they got naked. She knows that he and Taliesin occasionally hook up, but at her request, she doesn’t want to know how and why. He’s pretty sure she sees Taliesin’s and his relationship as equivalent to the one she’s got with a college friend that she also sleeps with when that friend comes to town; casual friends with benefits. Showing up covered in Taliesin’s marks, especially fresh ones from a week where he’s supposed to have been sick or recovering at home, would not go over well, let alone having her discover the other changes that happen to him when he’s in heat. Lately she’s been talking about how her lease is almost up and she’s thinking about moving to a new place, and he really wants to ask her if they could get a place together, but every time he does, he considers how quickly she could figure out his secret if they were living together and realizes that it’s just not possible. But everyone’s always asking him when they’re going to move in together, or making jokes about how he’d better put a ring on it soon, and it just makes him feel worse. She deserves better than this, and yet how can he possibly give her what she deserves?

Taliesin hasn’t been hovering, but Matt’s been making sure to check in, and something about the minimal responses he gets to his texts makes Matt wonder if Taliesin is still angry at him. They’ve had variations on this argument for years now, and Matt just wishes he could make him understand what it’s like to live his life and why he needs to make these choices. He’s pretty sure Taliesin probably feels the same way about Matt seeing things from his perspective, though, too. Matt’s greatest fear is that Taliesin might not be willing even try to make things work again and then Matt will have lost his friend and his alpha, and where will he be? Matt sighs and tries to turn his attention back to preparing for the game. At least he’s got control of one world, even if it’s not this one.

By mid-stream this week, Matt is still relieved to call a break. He’s not sure how everyone found out that he hasn’t been feeling well, but everyone’s been hovering over him like a pack of mother hens, asking him if he’s sure he wants to do this tonight, offering him water, looking at him with concern if his face flushes with laughter or if he bends his head down to look something up. Well, everyone except for Taliesin, who always responds appropriately to Matt’s questions or requests and yet is very clearly not interacting with Matt in any other way. Matt just needs five minutes alone to clear his head, and yet he’s pretty sure that if he tries to leave the building, they’ll send out a search party out of fear that they’ll discover him passed out in the parking lot.

So instead Matt walks very slowly back from the bathroom, and wonders if anyone will notice if he ducks into the small alcove near the offices where they keep the other water cooler and the boxes of paper. If anyone asks, he can always say that he’s trying to keep hydrated.

He’s rounding the corner, congratulating himself on this excellent escape plan when he almost trips over Sam and Liam, who have gotten there first. Fortunately, since they’re completely entwined in each other and kissing fiercely, they don’t notice Matt at first. He would have gotten away cleanly if he hadn’t stumbled on a corner of the rug.

Sam and Liam pull apart, surprised and flushed, pupils blown wide with arousal and the dim light, blinking at Matt.

“Shit,” Matt says. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you guys were here.”

“I believe that was the point,” Liam says.

“I’ll just...go be elsewhere now…” Matt says.

“Yes, go find your own person to make out with,” Sam says. “This one’s mine.” Liam laughs but also tightens his grip on Sam’s ass possessively.

Matt’s face crumples suddenly, and Sam and Liam’s expressions switch from surprised and annoyed to confused and concerned.

“What’s wrong, Matt?” Sam asks.

“Nothing,” Matt tries.

“Matt,” Liam says firmly, “We might be horny motherfuckers who sneak off to neck like teenagers even though we’re going home together in just a few hours, but we’re not _stupid_ horny necking motherfuckers. What is going on?”

“I can’t talk about it right now,” Matt says, pushing his fingers against his eyes to suppress the tears. _There’s not even time enough to sum up what’s wrong, and I can’t go back on stream as a sobbing wrec_ k, he thinks.

“Then come here,” Liam says, and he and Sam pull Matt into the middle of a three person hug. None of them say anything -- Sam and Liam just press Matt in tight between them, holding him close and surrounding him with their own love until they hear someone call the one minute warning. Matt basks in the warmth of their affection, savoring it even more because it’s offered so unconditionally.

“You know we’re here for you if you ever need to talk,” Liam finally says right before they go back in.

Matt just nods and tries to redirect his attention to what’s coming up next.

The second half of the game actually goes pretty well, and Matt feels well enough by the end of it to approach Marisha as everyone is leaving and ask her if she wants to come home with him tonight.

“Oooh, I’d love to...but I have an audition in the morning….and it’s like the opposite way from your place. Can we do it some other night?” Marisha asks.

“Yeah, sure,” Matt says, trying to hide his disappointment. _Fucking emotional lability_ , he thinks.

“I wish I could go home with you every night,” Marisha says softly.

“Me too,” Matt says, and goddammit, he’s crying again.

“Are you all right?” Marisha asks. “Is it another headache? Do you want me to drive you home?”

“I’ll be fine,” Matt says again, too quickly, too automatically.

“Babe, you’re not fine,” Marisha says. “I care for you and I love you, but something is clearly wrong. I just wish you’d tell me what it is.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just … I...can’t,” Matt says.

“You can’t or you won’t?” Marisha asks, a little fire creeping into her tone.

“I just can’t right now,” Matt says, his voice wavering.

“I bet you’d tell Taliesin,” Marisha snaps, “Or does he already know?”

Matt’s jaw drops. _She can’t have figured it out,_ he thinks _. She can’t._

Marisha just looks at him steadily. “I think you just told me everything I need to know,” she says, and walks away from him.

Matt leans his forehead against the wall and cries.

***

On Saturday Matt texts Sam and Liam, who consult their very complicated calendaring system and inform Matt that he can come over to their house between two and four, but after that one of them has to leave to pick up their oldest from a birthday party while the other one has to go get the middle one from a friend’s house around then. The younger two are going to the splash pad at the park with their moms, so they should be able to have an uninterrupted conversation for once.

Matt again contemplates how when people ask him how he can keep everything in his imaginary world straight, he wants to tell them that it looks like nothing compared to running a four adult, four child household where all the adults are married to each other, everyone’s working multiple jobs that often require travel, and all the kids are enrolled in at least three activities. But Sam and Liam and their wives need all the privacy they can get -- as Sam once said, “even if we do live in famously permissive California, we already get enough shit from people directly in our lives without bringing it directly onto the Internet for even more people to gawk at.” Matt’s pretty convinced that their outrageous behavior on stream makes for some pretty good hiding-in-plain-sight cover.

But Liam and Sam are the only other alpha/omega couple he knows who are making it work the way Matt wishes it could work with Marisha and Taliesin. Sam and Liam were both married to their beta wives when Sam went through the change, Liam became his alpha, and they collectively decided that there was no reason to break up two perfectly good marriages when they could just add another one to the mix and create one big happy home instead. “It wasn’t really as simple as that,” Liam’s said to Matt before, “There was a lot of crying. A trial separation. Two really, really, patient therapists. Some extended family members still aren’t speaking to us even after a decade. And none of us feel like we’ll ever have enough time for ourselves or for all of us again until all the kids have graduated from high school. But we’re making it work, and we all really do love each other.” Judging from how Sam and Liam can barely keep their hands off each other at all times and the ways in which they talk about their wives as if they are the greatest women ever to walk this earth, Matt’s pretty convinced that they do.

So Matt’s perched on the sofa in their living room that’s half-full of bins of Lego, broken crayons, backpacks, discarded fairy wings, and most of Liam’s collection of miniatures, hoping that maybe they can help him untangle the threads of the current disaster that he’s about to dump into their laps.

“Oh Matt,” Sam says after Matt has poured out his tale of woe. “I’m trying to think of a gentle way to say this.” He pauses for a minute, and finally just says, “You really fucked up, buddy.”

“I have to concur with Sam,” Liam says, squeezing Sam’s hand. Sam looks at him adoringly, and Matt wonders if that nausea side effect is still happening or if it’s just that the two of them are just that sickeningly sweet together.

“I know,” Matt says remorsefully. “I just don’t know how to fix it. If this were a game, I’d know how to fix it. Or at least how to try.”

"People aren't NPCs, Matt," Liam says gently. "And you can't make them love you by rolling dice. But you can tell them the truth, and then they can make their own decisions."

Sam rolls his eyes. "That is the sappiest thing I've heard you say today."

"Sappier than what I said this morning in the shower?" Liam asks.

Matt holds up his hands. "TMI!"

Sam and Liam both laugh.

“No, seriously, Matt, I can’t say this plainly enough,” Sam says. “Use your words. You’re good with words. Tell Marisha the truth. If she walks away from that, then at least you know and can try to move on. But I think she might surprise you.”

Liam nods. “All you can do is try. Same thing for Taliesin; you’ve got to be honest with him. Especially after what happened last week.”

“Could you tell what was going on with me last week?” Matt asks, suddenly curious. He’d been aware of so little during the stream except trying to keep it together, so any reactions unrelated to the game that anyone else had completely missed his notice.

“Of course I could,” Liam said, “But I assumed that Taliesin would take care of you, because he’s your alpha, and that’s what good alphas do. I’ll be honest, Matt; I don’t even know what I would have done if Sam had ended up like you did last week and made the choices you did.”

“But _I_ wouldn’t have ended up like that,” Sam says, looking smugly ruffled.

Liam just gives Sam a look that Matt is rapidly realizing all alphas must just be able to do, the kind of look that makes him want to drop to the floor before he even realizes what is happening, and simply says, “2009, Las Vegas.” Sam flushes and stares at the ground. Matt decides that he really doesn’t want to know.

“Anyways,” Liam says, squeezing Sam’s hand again, “The point is that you need to work things out with him too. I know you don’t want to hear this because I know you’re still hoping that you’ll wake up one day and not be an omega anymore, but you need him and he needs you. You’ve got to figure out something that works for both of you. Or all three of you. But it starts with communication.”

Matt sighs and nods.

“I’ll give you the number for our therapist,” Liam says as he and Sam walk Matt to the door. “She works with a lot of people like us. If you don’t want to see her because it would feel too weird, she knows some others. Okay?”

“Okay,” Matt says without much excitement. “You’re both right. I guess I just hoped there was another way. An easier way. A way that doesn’t probably end with everyone continuing to hate me.”

“Aww, buddy,” Liam says, pulling Matt into the middle of another three-person hug before they part.

***  
Matt wonders if he should roll a die or flip a coin to decide whether to attempt to talk to Marisha or Taliesin first, since neither of them are currently speaking with him. He finally decides that since Taliesin is mad at him for not talking to Marisha, that it would make more sense to talk to Marisha before he talks to Taliesin. He briefly ponders not talking to either of them and moving to Antarctica to become a penguin rancher instead, but eventually he manages to send Marisha a simple text asking if she’ll meet him for a conversation.

Marisha doesn’t reply for hours, at which point Matt is seriously reconsidering the penguin ranching plan, but eventually she says she’ll meet him at a coffee place halfway between their respective homes later that night, leaving Matt plenty of time to be nervous and play out hundreds of scenarios in his mind in which he fucks things up even more.

When she appears at the table, Marisha is so beautiful that it takes Matt’s breath away. He realizes that he could be perfectly happy looking at her every day for the rest of his life, and the thought that he might never see her again twists at his heart. She sits down at the table across from him and sets her cup down, and then looks at him.

“I’m willing to listen to you,” she says, “But no bullshit. If you can’t be honest, then we’re through.”

“Okay,” Matt says, and begins.

“You’re WHAT?!” Marisha says about a minute later.

“An omega,” Matt says. “You know what they are, right?”

Marisha just laughs. Genuine, heartfelt, putting her head down on the table gales of laughter.

Matt just stares at her in helpless confusion, not even knowing what to do. He had not expected this reaction at all. Yelling? Walking out? Never speaking to him again? Some combination of the above? Anything but this. Is she laughing at him? Laughing because of him? Laughing to keep from crying? He has absolutely no clue.

Marisha picks her head up and wipes her eyes and clears her throat. “Yes. Yes, I do know what omegas are. But how come I couldn’t tell that you are one? We’ve certainly spent enough intimate time together…”

“I take medication to suppress my cycles, and when it works, most of the signs aren’t there at all,” Matt says, “And if it doesn’t work, or if I forget to take it, well…”

“You tell me you’re sick or come up with some other reason to avoid me or get me to go home,” Marisha says. “You’re a crafty bastard, Mercer. I assume Taliesin must be your alpha and not just your friend with occasional benefits?”

Matt nods.

“That explains a lot,” Marisha says. “Including why you seemed so off last week.”

“It doesn’t explain why you were laughing,” Matt says.

Marisha starts to say something and then starts laughing again. Matt continues to stare at her in confusion.

“Risha, please?” Matt says.

Marisha takes another deep breath. “I’m laughing at myself, Matt, because I am a goddamn alpha, and right now I feel like the stupidest one alive, given that I couldn’t tell that my boyfriend was an omega after this many years of dating.”

Matt’s jaw drops. This conversation has definitely not gone how he expected it to at all.

“You’re kidding me,” he says.

“Hand to God, swear on anything you want,” Marisha says. “It’s different for women, so maybe that’s why you weren’t able to tell with me. I didn’t want to tell you because I figured you were a beta and it wasn’t relevant, and I wanted to be with you more than to be an alpha to anyone else, so I just supposed that part of my life was over. But I seriously should have been able to tell that you are an omega. You’re very good at hiding it.”

“Yeah,” Matt says softly. “I don’t...I don’t like this part of myself, but I guess it’s time to stop hiding so much, especially since it’s meant hiding myself from you. I really do love you. I want to be with you forever.”

“Is there anything else that you’re hiding that I should know about?” Marisha asks, gazing at Matt intently with what Matt now realizes is an alpha gaze. He’s pretty sure she can see into his soul.

“No. I promise. I swear,” Matt says. “I mean, except for the next plot arc, but I won’t tell anyone that.”

Marisha laughs again and then picks up her purse. She stands up and holds out a hand to Matt.

“Where are you going?” Matt asks, preparing himself to say goodbye to her, thinking that the conversation has at last turned out exactly as he thought it would.

“ _I_ am not going anywhere,” Marisha says. “ _We_ are going back to your apartment, and _you_ are going to tell me everything about being an omega, and then I’m most likely going to fuck you until we both can’t walk straight. At some point I’m going to want to talk to Taliesin, but not tonight.”

“Oh,” Matt says, once he realizes what Marisha has actually said. “Okay then.” He gets up dazedly and follows her home.

***

Matt wakes up on Sunday morning sore, dehydrated, and in the best mood he’s been in years. Marisha is sprawled out next to him, her glorious auburn hair forming a halo around her head, and he just gazes at her adoringly for a while and contemplates how lucky he is to have her.

_Oh god, this is what Liam and Sam are like all the time!_ Matt realizes. _Please don’t let us end up at that perpetual level of adorable smugness. I don’t think our friend group could handle more of that_.

His phone chirps softly, and he realizes it’s time for his medication. He manages to slip out of bed without waking her and pads softly into the bathroom to take it. As he pulls out the blister pack of pills, he remembers Taliesin waiting with him at the pharmacy and sighs. He does need to talk to him before Marisha does. Maybe he can convince both of them not to talk to each other. He’s a little worried about what the two of them could do if they combined forces, especially if they did so to focus on him.

***  
Marisha agrees not to talk to Taliesin until Matt does, but only if Matt texts Taliesin then and there and attempts to make a date with him.

“If he does blow you off for long enough, I will talk to him,” Marisha says. “I mean, he’s still speaking to me. But I’ll give you a chance to work it out with him first.”

Matt nods and sighs. “I really fucked up with him,” he admits. “I don’t think it’s going to end well.”

Marisha puts her arms around him and rests her chin on the top of his head while Matt pulls up the messaging app on his phone. “You never know, babe.”

Taliesin takes even longer to reply than Marisha did, but eventually agrees to have a drink with Matt on Wednesday night at one of the bars they sometimes go to after a session is over.

Matt takes the initiative this time, which surprises him and Taliesin both. “Look. I fucked up. A lot. I know I did. I’m sorry. But I need to tell you something. Will you at least listen?”

Taliesin blinks at Matt in surprise and then nods curtly.

Matt takes a deep breath and begins. “Well, I finally talked to Marisha…”

“She’s WHAT?!” Taliesin says a moment later.

“An alpha,” Matt says, trying to stay serious.

Taliesin starts laughing while Matt looks around with a sense of deja vu.

“Oh, that’s...that’s amazing,” Taliesin says when he’s recovered a little. “Dear God, Matt. I was not expecting that.”

“I wasn’t either,” Matt says.

“So what happened next in this little comedy of errors?” Taliesin asks.

“Well, we, uh, we made up,” Matt says, blushing a little, “And she told me I needed to talk to you, and then she needed to talk to you, and then we’d go from there.”

Taliesin laughs again. “Dear God. This is just...Shakespearean gender swapping comedy levels of ridiculous. Completely farcical.”

“I know,” Matt says, and even he can laugh about it now.

Growing serious again, Taliesin looks at Matt with that same direct gaze he always uses, and says, “I’m sorry for giving you the silent treatment this week. I just… it’s so hard for me to see you hurting yourself like that and not letting me help you. I can’t take it when you keep pushing me away right when you need me most, when you fight me every time I try to help you. It doesn’t have to be like that. It’s so hard to see you keep lying to yourself and to the people you love the most. It breaks my heart. I just can’t keep going on like this, Matt. I just can’t.”

Matt feels his eyes swim, not from the medication but just in reaction to Taliesin’s genuine honesty.

“I really fucked up,” Matt admits. “I’m sorry. I know I can’t go on like this either. It almost cost me everything. I want to do things differently from now on. I know saying that’s not worth much right now, though.” He gazes down at the table, not even bothering to hide that he’s crying. “But I love you so much. I love both of you so much. Can you just...can we just...try?”

Taliesin looks at him for a long moment and then lets out a sigh and gets up from the table. Matt braces himself for the worst, but tries to console himself with the fact that he tried.

But instead Taliesin comes around the table and wraps his arms around Matt and pulls him close, crushing Matt’s head against his chest.

“My exasperating, darling, needy, foolish, wonderful, lovely boy,” Taliesin says. “Yes.”

Matt’s joy is so incandescent that he’s surprised it doesn’t blind the entire room.

“But first,” Taliesin says, releasing Matt, “I need to talk to Marisha. I think we need to make some plans for you.”

Matt blinks and swallows as he realizes exactly just what having two alphas could possibly mean.

***

Several Thursdays later, Matt has never felt better. The medication side effects have become more rare, he and Marisha are spending more time together now that he doesn’t have to find ways of noping out of their dates as soon as he feels symptoms, and he and Taliesin are friendly again. The three of them have had a few conversations, some of which were a little raw, but they’re all hanging in there, trying to figure out what could happen next, as well as considering seeing Liam and Sam’s therapist for some relationship counseling. He’s got a really cool battle map for tonight, well, assuming that his goddamn players don’t find some way of avoiding the battle entirely by taking down an entire tower or killing the NPC who’s supposed to lead them there by accident or on purpose. But he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Matt’s phone chirps. _Got plans for tonight?_ Taliesin texts.

_Other than the TPK of all of you? ;)_ Matt responds.

_I meant after_ , Taliesin writes.

_Kinda hoping we’d get tacos after_ , Matt texts.

_Marisha and I have other plans for you,_ Taliesin texts. _Don’t turn let this run into a four and a half hour session again, okay? I’d like to get some sleep tonight. Eventually._

_Understood_ , Matt texts, and wonders how the hell he’s going to get through this evening without being completely and utterly distracted. At least this time it’s a pleasant anticipation.

As they’re settling into their seats, Laura leans over to him. “Hey. You okay? You seem distracted again.”

“Yeah, just...looking forward to tonight,” Matt says, grinning.

Laura gives him a look. “Oh, so it’s the good kind of distracted. Well, carry on, then.” She punches Matt playfully on the arm and returns to her seat, leaning over to whisper to Travis.

_God, can they all tell?_ Matt thinks. This is going to be a long session. But he’s still got a stupid grin on his face as the countdown starts and Liam yells out his usual stream of obscenities.

After the stream wraps, Matt heads out into the hallway to find Marisha and Taliesin about to engage in a game of rock paper scissors (or boulder parchment shears, as he’s now come to think of it).

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“Deciding which of us is driving you back to your apartment,” Taliesin says. “We need to take two cars because I have to leave early tomorrow.”

“Am I not driving?” Matt says.

“You’re ours now,” Marisha says with a suddenly predatory smile. “You’re not going anywhere without one or both of us tonight.”

Taliesin also looks at Matt and smiles much in the same way as Marisha, and Matt suddenly has to lean against the wall so he doesn’t fall over. _I am so fucked_ , he realizes, _Literally and in a thousand other ways_.

Marisha wins best two out of three and grabs Matt by the wrist. “See you in a bit,” she says to Taliesin as she half-drags a stumbling Matt out the door.

***

“Whatever you two are going to do to me,” Matt says once they’re reunited in the bedroom, “I want you to know that I more than deserve it.”

Taliesin sighs gently. “I think you have the wrong idea,” he says to Matt. “Tonight isn’t about punishment or denial, because you do enough of that to yourself already. Tonight is about desire.”

Matt feels himself flush even though he’s not in heat, and tears prick at the corners of his eyes. “I really don’t deserve you,” he says, looking at both of them.

“Maybe you don’t,” Marisha says, “But you’re stuck with us anyways. Now take off your damn clothes.”

As he gets naked, Matt tries to remember the last time he and Taliesin have had any kind of sex that wasn’t a frantic attempt to fix him, that didn’t begin with Matt as a desperate mess of denial and end with both of them yelling at each other or stony morning after silence. He’s not even sure what it could possibly be like, but he really wants to find out. And Marisha...well, he’s pretty sure she hung the moon, but keeping his secret had definitely impacted their intimacy as well on so many levels and it’s only in the last few weeks that he’s really started to understand how amazing they can be together. The thought of the two of them together...yeah, he’s fucked.

Matt looks up to find Taliesin and Marisha studying him intently.

“He’s thinking again,” Taliesin says to Marisha.

“Yep. We should do something about that,” Marisha says, beckoning Matt to come join them on the bed.

“Whatever you want,” Matt says, and means it.

“No sense of self preservation on this one,” Taliesin mutters, and Marisha snorts with laughter.

“That’s why he’s got us,” Marisha says, pulling Matt in between the two of them. “C’mere, sweetheart. We’re gonna make you forget about everything else for a while.”

“Agreed,” Taliesin says, as he and Marisha push Matt down and begin to cover him in kisses and gentle bites. Matt feels himself already starting to slip under into a place that he’s more than willing to go.

Like all first times, it’s a little awkward at points -- there’s never quite enough room on the bed, even if one or more of them are piled on top of someone else, it always seems like there’s one too many limbs that need to be put somewhere, and Marisha complains occasionally when one or both of the others accidentally roll onto her hair. And there’s the learning curve of going from two to three, the new alchemy of all of them together.

“Show me how you please her,” Taliesin says to Matt at one point, “I want to watch.”

“Very much in favor of that,” Marisha says, guiding Matt to lie back and moving to straddle his face. “Tap out if you need to, please. We want you wrecked, not dead.”

“I really couldn’t think of a nicer way to die, but you’re in charge,” Matt murmurs as he turns his tongue to other purposes.

“See? No sense of self preservation whatsoever,” Taliesin notes.

“I’m gonna watch while he does you next,” Marisha says before giving herself over to riding Matt’s face until she comes.

“Goddamn that was hot,” Taliesin says, helping Marisha roll off Matt without falling off the bed. Matt opens his eyes to see Taliesin kissing Marisha and Marisha kissing him back with equal ferocity, and while being the center of attention is nice, he could also watch this all night and be perfectly satisfied. They’re so fucking amazing; how could someone like him deserve them, deserve all of this?

Taliesin and Marisha move apart and look down at Matt. “He’s got that look on his face again,” Marisha says.

Taliesin nods. “Clearly we’re falling down on the job. Come here, Matthew. Your lovely girlfriend wants to watch you suck my cock.”

“Does he like it when you pull his hair too?” Marisha asks as Matt sits up and rolls over to lie between Taliesin’s spread legs.

Taliesin answers by gripping a fistful of Matt’s long soft hair and twisting, using it as leverage to push Matt’s mouth down onto his cock.

“Like that? Seems to,” Taliesin says, tightening his fingers in Matt’s hair until Matt moans around the cock in his mouth.

“I’ll have to remember that next time he’s on his knees for me,” Marisha says, and Matt realizes yet again just how utterly terribly wonderful it is that these two are now working as a team before turning his attention to getting Taliesin off while Taliesin fists his hands in Matt’s hair.

“He really does have a great mouth,” Marisha observes afterwards. “But I think it’s time to put him back in the middle again, just to make sure he won’t start thinking some more.”

“I firmly concur. Pity we’re not at my place or we could tie him down for a while,” Taliesin says, helping Marisha to roll Matt between them again.

“Next time,” Marisha suggests.

“Not sure if there will be a next time because I think you two might kill me tonight,” Matt murmurs before Marisha stops his mouth with a hard kiss.

“He’s still capable of speaking in complete sentences. We need to fix that,” Taliesin says, rummaging in the drawer on the bedside table for the lube and sliding down the bed to spread Matt’s legs. Things get delightfully fuzzy for Matt after that.

Some time later, Matt’s a little confused when Taliesin slides his fingers out of his ass and then doesn’t immediately replace them with his cock, and then he’s wondering why Marisha is tugging at him to sit up and turn over, but he’s sure they know what they’re doing.

“Come here and fuck me,” Marisha says, lying back on the bed, knees bent, legs spread. This at least is very familiar and Matt eagerly complies, kneeling between her legs, moaning as he slides deep inside her, starting to rock himself forward.

“Hold still,” Taliesin says. He’s behind Matt now, and he puts his hands on Matt’s shoulders to stop him. Matt whines softly, but stills.

“Such a good boy. Our good boy,” Marisha says, reaching up to stroke her hands down his chest as Matt feels Taliesin moving behind him and then oh holy fuck yes, Taliesin’s cock sliding into his ass. Matt lets out a soft keening cry as Taliesin’s weight against him pushes him forward and deeper into Marisha. He’s caught between them, and he’s exactly where he wants to be forever.

Taliesin and Marisha rock Matt between them, using him completely, finding a rhythm that works well for all of them after a few false starts, and Matt is pretty sure that he’s going to die, or maybe that he has died and that this is the afterlife. It’s so much, it’s almost too much, but it’s so good.

Taliesin alternates between murmuring sweet words of praise and absolutely filthy shit into Matt’s ear as he fucks him forward into Marisha while Marisha rocks him back on to Taliesin and alternates murmurs of loving affection with lapses into incoherent bouts of swearing as she gets closer to coming. _Our sweet lovely boy_ , they both say. _Our wonderful boy_.

Marisha comes first, and when he feels her clench around him, Matt tips over the edge almost immediately, crying out and shuddering between his two alphas. Taliesin gives a few more hard strokes, driving an overstimulated Matt hard into an overstimulated Marisha, and bites down on Matt’s shoulder as he comes.

“How was that?” Taliesin asks breathily as they disentangle and then reconfigure themselves on the bed in a sweaty limp pile.

Matt makes an incoherent noise, words still well beyond him at that point.

“Finally,” Marisha pants, and reaches up a floppy hand to high five Taliesin.

***

Matt’s bladder wakes him up early in the morning, and he slowly untangles himself from where he’s sandwiched in between Taliesin and Marisha. As he slides down the bed vertically to avoid having to roll over someone, Taliesin’s head pops up, the blue shock of hair on top rumpled up like a small peacock tail.

“I’m just going to the bathroom,” Matt whispers, not wanting to wake Marisha too.

Taliesin nods and flops his head back down onto the pillow.

When Matt gets back, Taliesin is sitting up in bed, scrolling through his phone.

“I’m sorry I woke you,” Matt says softly.

“It’s my own fault,” Taliesin said. “I shouldn’t have picked up my phone to check the time, let alone tapped on my Twitter notifications.” He hits the home button and places his phone face down on the bedside table, and then pats the empty space next to him.

Matt carefully crawls back up the bed and settles in without accidentally landing on Marisha’s hair, thinking that if this is going to be a regular thing, they really will need a bigger bed. Marisha shifts in her sleep and mumbles but doesn’t seem to wake completely. Taliesin lies back down, Matt rolls so that his head is on Taliesin’s chest, and Taliesin begins stroking his hair.

“I was thinking, before,” Matt says softly.

“Despite our various and concerted efforts to make you not do so, yes,” Taliesin says mock sternly.

Matt snorts quietly in the darkness. “Uh-huh. No, it’s just that before… I was thinking that I couldn’t remember the last time the two of us had been together that wasn’t an emergency.”

“Oh,” Taliesin says, his soft voice even softer now.

“You were right,” Matt says quietly. “This is better. I should have listened to you before. And I didn’t realize how much it must have been hurting you for things to be the way they were for so long.”

Taliesin sighs quietly and slides his hand down from Matt’s hair to hold Matt close. “You were so busy hurting and hating yourself, my darling disaster, that I don’t think you could have understood, even though I kept trying.”

Matt sighs and cuddles closer to Taliesin. “I’m just so sorry. Why did you even stay?”

“Will you go back to sleep if I tell you and not lie awake thinking of new ways to experience remorse?” Taliesin says.

“I’ll try,” Matt says.

“I did think about leaving,” Taliesin says. “I was looking at gigs in New York, even just temporary ones, for a while. But I stayed...I stayed because you’re my friend, you’re my omega, you’re...you’re mine. And going to the other side of the country or even the other side of the world wouldn’t change that. Won’t change that. I mean, look at Ashley and Brian.”

“I didn’t deserve you. I still don’t,” Matt murmurs.

Taliesin sighs, but not angrily. “Sweetheart, none of this is about deserving. I mean, we don’t even know why people end up as alphas or omegas in the first place. Or, hell, even if we were in a world where this condition didn’t exist, it still wouldn’t be about being deserving or undeserving. Everyone deserves to love and be loved. I love and desire you because you’re you, not just because of a biological imperative.”

“Oh,” Matt whispers, finally beginning to understand.

“Let’s save the rest of this for our therapy appointment,” Taliesin murmurs, rubbing Matt’s back gently. “We both need to go back to sleep, and I don’t want to wake Marisha.”

“But…” Matt whispers.

“Hush or I will attempt to sing you a lullaby,” Taliesin says, and Matt admits defeat, closing his eyes and letting the sound of the other two’s breathing lull him back to sleep.

Matt wakes early Friday morning when Taliesin’s alarm goes off feeling sore, a little dehydrated, but also completely and utterly blissed out.

“Ughhhhh,” Marisha groans where she’s pressed against Matt’s right side, flailing around until Taliesin wakes up enough to sit up and silence his phone.

“Sorry,” Taliesin says, “I did try to warn you last night.”

“It seemed like such a good idea at the time,” Marisha moans, rolling onto her back and draping an arm over her eyes.

“You’re not the one who has to be making actual words happen in front of a director in about ninety minutes,” Taliesin says. “I think I’m the one deserving all the pity here.”

“It was worth it, but we’re still going back to sleep after you leave,” Marisha says, pulling Matt closer.

“Don’t I get a choice in the matter?” Matt asks, his voice hoarse with sleep.

“I’ll get Taliesin to support my position, and then you’ll be outnumbered,” Marisha mutters sleepily into Matt’s hair.

“I really should have thought further about the implications of my new life choices,” Matt jokes.

“Mm-hm, you’re clearly the one suffering here,” Taliesin says, bending down to kiss Matt on the forehead before getting out of bed.

“Don’t I get a goodbye kiss too?” Marisha asks.

Taliesin rounds the bed and kisses Marisha softly on the lips. “So demanding, the two of you. Now I really have to go.”

After Taliesin leaves, Marisha immediately winds herself around Matt like a sleepy anaconda and mumbles, “Still not a morning person,” and closes her eyes. Matt briefly considers getting up, but then settles back down to sleep, feeling, for the moment, perfectly content.


End file.
